She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
