There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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