i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
