I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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