i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
