brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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