Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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