just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
