I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
