I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
