apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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