Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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