Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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