one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
