yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
