Im at strip club and am horny
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
