I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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