I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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