I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
