I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Congratulations! We have a period
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
