Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
