So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
