This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
