My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
