I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
