Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Duck Duck Cougar?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
