I never want to see another naked old woman again.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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