i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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