i barfeds in our rink
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
