On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
