There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
