Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
