Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
