Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
