too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
