i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
