I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
