Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
