She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
