She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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