this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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