Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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