cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
