the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
