So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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