FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
