a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
