If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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