I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
