burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
